“Be the attitude you want to be around” Tim DeTellis
It was a sunny Sunday morning. I had a day off. I was anticipating an interesting and relaxing day. First, I had to do some chores. Then I could do whatever I liked. I did an exercise routine and had a nice shower. While I was choosing what to wear, the phone rang. It was a friend, and she seemed sad or upset, maybe even tearful. “Let’s get together and have a little chat over coffee at our favorite place,” I said. She agreed eagerly.
We met at a cozy cafe with a beautiful water view. The coffee was delicious. I was happy to see my friend, but she was pretty unhappy; she was in a state of confusion. I felt that she needed some moral support, and I wanted to bring her out of her sadness, back to balance. My intention was to have a calm, pleasant talk, and to offer warm words of encouragement to create a joyful atmosphere of comfort, and have quality time together.
She told me that she’d woken up with no energy or desire to meet a new day. She was emotionally drained and exhausted, and couldn’t even function, overwhelmed with loneliness, despair, and fear. Her depression was obvious. As I learned later, she was unsatisfied in her job.
She said that it’s very important to feel good about what we do. She believed there must be a better alternative, but found herself stuck in an unfulfilling job that she felt she couldn’t quit yet. She wanted to find a good job with some flexibility that enhanced her quality of life. Even though she’d made a big effort to make her life better, she didn’t see any improvement. She’d tried many times to change her job and financial situation, but something always blocked her. She’s run after achievements, but hasn’t gotten the results she wanted. She didn’t want to say she hasn’t achieved anything; some of her efforts were successful. She tries to be cheerful and tell herself not to worry, her abundance is on its way. She also tells herself to find a way to like her job, that each job has its perks, and embrace her current situation, but it’s not really helping.
I can relate to that, and I’m sure many other people can too. We all face similar situations. I’ve thought about it a lot. Some things are fine, and don’t need to be changed. Some things can’t be changed; they are what they are. I’ve pondered the wise suggestion that if you can change a bad situation, do so, but if you can’t, accept things as they are, and learn to trust them, even if you don’t understand the reason behind that. I tell myself, don’t think too much about it.
Also, accomplishments are good, but we need to be flexible about them. When we try desperately to achieve our goals because we want them so badly, and want them to happen quickly, it creates great tension, and actually blocks our route to worthwhile achievements. Give more energy to what we want to become, and keep improving, learning, and growing. Sooner or later, our achievements will add up and satisfy our desire for accomplishments. Once we finish something, we usually look for another challenge anyway. I’ve come to the conclusion that it doesn’t really matter whether I accomplish great things. The only thing that matters is what kind of person I become in the process—whether I enjoy myself and feel good about that situation, learn from it, and rectify mistakes. In any circumstance, we can always choose—to whine and be bitter and sad, or to be sweet and pleasant no matter what. The choice is ours. I choose to be the best person I can be.
There will always be negative voices in our heads that want to sabotage us. Ignore them, and learn instead to pay close attention to the positive. Negativity is poison; don’t let it into your mind. Positive energy rekindles; it feels good. We all have beautiful and happy thoughts and intentions. Don’t hide them. Bring them to the surface. Fortunately, we have the power to transform any challenging situation into something more beneficial and uplifting. Let’s have a much better quality of life.
Our coffee time turned into a healthy and delicious brunch. I suggested moving on and finding a way to see the positive, and start thinking, speaking, and acting according to it. She was delighted to hear that, and willing to do it too. We were on the same page. It’s much easier to change a negative mood into a positive one when a friend supports it. I loved our positive twist.
We agreed on five topics for a rational conversation: gratitude, health, happiness, abundance, and energy. What makes us happy? What can we do to improve our skills and talents? What makes a good life anyway? We can become more familiar with ourselves, and pay attention to what we want.
We talked about our interests and hobbies, our choices and strategies, activities we’d like to do, skills we’d like to learn, and education we’d like to pursue. What kind of people do we want to be? Confident, magnetic, and charismatic? What do we dream about? How do we unwind?
All that put us in a positive spirit. We were laughing and enjoying each other’s company. We felt relief.
We started to create a plan of action toward new accomplishments. We established rules toward creating our best lives, and discussed how to integrate them into our everyday routines. We planned to be kind and gentle with ourselves without rushing an outcome. We talked about steps toward achieving our goals, and how to enjoy each step.
Once we find something we like, we’ll stick with it. It becomes our ally; sooner or later, we’ll see the fruits of our labor. Results don’t occur overnight; quick fixes don’t exist. But we can fix our situation just by gaining clarity from a fresh and healthier perspective. The moment we let go of a situation of discomfort that we’re attached to in an unhealthy way, and pay attention to something more positive, the situation somehow resolves itself. The best thing is to try to feel good and enjoy the process.
Later that day, I was surprised by how quickly my friend’s mood improved. In spite of how she felt, we were able to use our words and intentions to change the perception of a situation just by talking about how we wanted it to be, and what actions we could take. I’ll always remember our lovely brunch together. We were able to step away from the unpleasant and into the pleasant just by switching our attention to the right and comfortable direction. My friend and I went home happy and positive.
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